I’ve had a couple of days really missing xxxxx spurred by seeing photos of her. I was looking for photos to send to a friend and was searching my computer and the thousands of photos on it. I ran into so many pictures of her and my heart just ached. I wanted to be near her, holding her, trying to make it work. I knew it could not be but allowed myself to feel the sadness. I am mourning the loss of something that was very important knowing that I’ll be ok.
I called off a get together to be sure I wasn’t contributing to any forms of co-dependency. I’m still trying to understand how it works and what role I played in it. Sometimes I was the addict and sometimes the enabler. I didn’t want to go get a ‘fix’ since I was feeling needy. I knew that didn’t feel right even though I wanted to just go be near her.
I am learning, I am healing, I am growing.