I’m proud of me. Yup, I sure am. I’m proud of myself.
At the close of the year I like to reflect back upon it and how I lived. I don’t really set New Year’s resolutions or goals per se but I do set intentions. Things that I want to work on overtime. These items are usually ongoing and don’t have a finish date which is why I set them apart from being goals. However, they end up being the priority for that year.
At the beginning of 2012, my greatest intention was to work on my resistance. I wanted to first fully own it. Admit to myself that I can be resistant in many circumstances. Ironically, I resisted that I am resistant for a long time, ha! I then wanted to catch myself when I was being resistant so I could make a different choice. I decided to focus on the word curiosity. I was going to look at things with curiousity which would help me open up and be less resistant. This was my intention and affirmation, “My curiosity leads me into alignment with my highest good.”
Another intention was to trust in the universe (God) more. What I mean by that is letting go of any stress or anxiety related to the unknown. The idea was to put my thoughts and energy into what I wanted in my world, take whatever actions I felt I could, and then let it go and let universe do the rest. I wanted to live from love not fear and this is another step in that direction.
My last main intention was around being the change I want to see in the world. Walking my talk. Making sure that my actions are in alignment with my beliefs. Being an example by action more than by words alone.
So how do I feel my 2012 year went with my intentions? Great! I can honestly say that I manifested and co-created (with the universe) these intentions. In the beginning of the year I did some meditations around what it would feel like to work with the flow of life. I used rivers as a visualization because water doesn’t resist anything but instead keeps moving regardless of what obstacles are in its way. I practiced some conversations where I would change a ‘no’ to a curious response in the form of questions. And when my spirit begged me to move on from my job I no longer resisted and resigned. I continue to recognize when I am resisting and feel better equipped at moving through it.
When it came to trusting in the universe I looked at all the ways that I had played a roll in my reality up to that point. I could see how my thoughts and words (with the embedded culture that helped shape them) created my perspective and reaction to my experiences. I could see that I had a lot of power and responsibility for what my life looked like but that there was also another force at work helping shape my world. I’ve worked on being more present and living in the moment for years now. This intention put in place the reminder to help me live this way. There are many things that are unknown to me at this point in terms of what I want my career to look like or even where I want to live, but what I’ve done is focus and put energy towards the elements that I know I want in my life. Every few weeks I close my eyes and put words and emotions into those elements and have faith that the universe will take care of the rest. I pay attention to opportunities that come my way and the signals from my intution. This is the universe doing its part and it’s my responsibility to take action. The more I trust the more I’m shown all is well and that I don’t need to worry about the future. One of the greatest concrete examples is that there have been several times since I’ve been traveling that I didn’t know where I would sleep that night, yet I’ve never slept in my car and only slept in a hotel three nights. I am being provided for in ways I couldn’t have imagined. My faith and trust is growing and my fear falls away.
Then there was walking my talk. Making sure my actions fit my beliefs. Just like all these intentions there is no ending and it’s all a process. I began this process by writing down my beliefs. I then looked at each of them and asked myself if I felt I was living those beliefs or just talking about them. Some I was living, some I was just talking, and some I have yet to fully embrace how I am going to live out. I am human and can have high expectations. I realize that this intention is one that is firmly a part of who I am at this point and will be something I am always working on. I want to live as authentically as I can and this means consistently re-evalutating where I stand and do my actions match up. This past year I’ve taken a lot more steps towards living an animal cruelty-free life and advocating for them. I’ve been more proactive in practicing healthy habits with food, exercise, emotional and spiritual needs. I’m allowing the practice of meditation help me ‘hear’ the universe and get to know my intution better. My two other intentions are a practice in exercising my beliefs and experiencing the truths they hold.
So I sit here today in reflection, smiling. Taking a bit of time to set these intentions and doing the work to help bring them to life has been so rewarding. The best part is being inspired by the magic of it all. I continue to be shown the ‘proof’ of my faith which allows me to trust in it even further. It’s a wonderful cycle that keeps on giving and receiving. It’s empowering and humbling. I remind myself all the time of what I want , when what I don’t want creeps into my psyche. I’ve been told over the last three months how much courage I have to do what I’m doing and although I don’t feel couragous, maybe I am. What I feel is that I’m living what is best for me and my highest self right now. I wasn’t 6 months ago, not fully. I needed to be in better alignment with my beliefs and I sit today more in that space than ever before. I continue to take a leap of faith every day by not worrying about the future. I put my energy in the directions that feel best. I remind myself all throughout the day that what I think, feel, watch, and say, affects what I am creating in the world for myself and for the whole of everything. Those things help create the future I and others will experience. I want to create a world that starts walking away from violence and fear and moves towards love. I wake up every day and ask, “how can I serve?” I try to move in the direction of light and love and forgive myself often when I do not.
I am grateful I am a truth seeker and willing to examine and explore all of me. I’m no longer afraid of what I could find or the pain that might get unearthed. I am grateful for all the teachers that have helped me and continue to help me on this self-growth exploration. Their words and my experiences always happen right when I need them. I have faith that all is possible and with that belief, life can take me anywhere.
I encourage you to make at least one resolution towards getting to know yourself better. The rewards can be so fulfilling.
Happy New Year! May it be your best year yet.
Much Love.